The ever-elusive work-life balance

Betseeee posted an entry on her blog about being invited to join an organization of professionals in her field, and feeling a bit of a yearning to be out and about with this group. For those of you who don't know, she's been busy freelancing and raising her two O'Girlies.

I have a few thoughts that ran through my head after reading this entry. First, I envy her ability to freelance - I work in a field where freelancing is not an option (sadly, part-time isn't an option either). It just doesn't work for job. I could potentially consult, but that's not all it's cracked up to be either. Second, even though I go to work every day and am involved in professional organizations, I don't get involved in the social aspect of those orgs. I don't do the happy hours or the evening meetings. I used to - I used to be so footloose and fancy-free when it came to what I could do in the evenings. Then I had Reed, and everything changed. Granted, Alex is really good (awesome, actually) about being able to handle the homefront when I have an evening obligation now, but I find that the things I allow myself to be "obligated" to have changed. I'm much more picky about which activities I'll be willing to take on at night.

Which leads me to this - I'm going to the cities this week for a company conference of safety and health professionals. It's the prelude to a national industrial hygiene conference that will be going on the following week in Minneapolis (I'm not attending that one). It is only for three days, and I'll be gone for only two nights, but I'm looking forward to being the "old" me and doing the happy hours and the socializing with old friends and connections without worrying about getting home to relieve Alex, since I'll be staying in a hotel near the conference. I know I'll miss my guys, but I also realize that I need to do this for me.

The mommy guilt never ends, you know. You're always shortchanging someone or something - either your career or your kids or your marriage. I feel guilty that my child is in daycare (even though he LOVES going to "school"), yet I know that if I were at home with him full-time, I'd lose my mind. I know I'm not cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom, as much as I wish there were days I could. I know that I'm a better mom to Reed because I get that time away from him every day, and I know that I look forward to seeing him at the end of every day. I'm not sure I'd have that same appreciation and excitement if I were struggling to keep him entertained and engaged every day.